Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
