Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
