ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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