I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
