Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
