well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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