Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
