Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
