SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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