lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
