Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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