I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
