I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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