Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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