if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
