My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
