All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
