I could make wine with my vomit
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
