I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
