I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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