Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
