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if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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