Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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