Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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