when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
