And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
