I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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