Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
