I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
