Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
