Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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