WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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