Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
