dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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