dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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