Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
