Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
