She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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