i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
