Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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