Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
