my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
