And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
