Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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