And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
