I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Randomize
