He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
