youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
