Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
