I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
